It Gets Real, Then It's Never The Same
I spend alot of time sitting around and thinking about how others have paid a price for all sorts of things that I enjoy on a daily basis.
Damn sobering. How many folks do you see on a daily basis that have a story to tell about serving this country. How many won't talk about it or feel like nobody wants to really hear about the sacrifices made. Have you ever sat and let someone just fall apart in front of you while trying to describe the shit they went through during their time of service? I have sat through it a few times and man, if you don't feel guilty about having it so good on the account of others doing your dirty work for you...then there is something seriously wrong with you.
I have never been there, but I have listened. I have been in similar situations and can understand in a way, but only able to scratch the surface. I figured I would do a tribute by taking what has been described to me by those who were there. Maybe it's my way of showing that some of us do understand and appreciate the sacrifice. I have taken what I have heard from those who have fought for my freedom and put it as best as I understand it in my own words. If I haven't hit the mark...then I'm sorry. I'll just have to listen closer next time;
I have a new hope after returning; The Motorcycle.
As cool and romantic as the lone wolf image is...the lone wolf never really accomplishes anything. Power, survival and the ability to kick ass lies in each lone wolf giving of himself for a greater cause and joining up with a pack. The military is many acting as one undeniable force.
So, then you get plunked down in some far off place. Your ideals and goals are still the same. You go to fight for honor, freedom and truth. You are invincible and can not be destroyed because you are now the reaper. You can not be stopped and are convinced you are in the right.
Then it gets real. You find yourself no longer fighting for the cause. You simply find yourself fighting for your own life and the life of those in your pack. You are really nothing without them and they nothing without you. You share some final moments with those you have bonded with. Some just disappear and some you owe your life to. Some of them owe their life to you.
You start becoming somewhat of an adrenaline junky because you have been operating on it for some time now. You embrace the fact that you are probably not going to make it back home. You are on the edge daily never knowing what the next hour brings. You have become a God in your own right. Sometimes you wonder if you are beginning to enjoy all of this somewhat and that makes you feel like you just might be losing it. Nothing is pure anymore and you're not sure if you're right anymore. You try to convince yourself that you are doing what you have to do to deal with the guilt of seeing another man die at your hands or knowing you had a part in their death. You also feel guilt because of the rush you experience when you have taken another's life. You are living something that so many fear or can't even comprehend. You live now to survive. You live for those in your pack. You live so that you can get back home to your life.
Now you're back home. You don't have much in common with people you once knew and won't like watching others take for granted what you and your brothers have done for them. You will harbor anger at watching your nation's flag burned knowing of the blood that you tasted in it's name. You will almost go blind with rage having someone look at you like a damned murderer. You resent the fact that you went out to slaughter the cattle so they could eat the meat, then turn around and point at you like you are inhuman.
You can't get work. Being adept at killing, repairing tanks, or flying a gunship doesn't leave you too many positions to choose from. You wake up from sleep because the sound made by the garbage truck outside took you back for a moment. You do not feel whole because your weapon is no longer at your side. It had become a part of you. Society doesn't take kindly to your fascination with firearms. You get no thanks. You don't really expect it but it might be nice once in awhile. You seriously doubt whether some of the turds walking around you truly deserved what has been given to them by the way they treat, abuse and take advantage of lady liberty.
Life is now pretty much mundane and predictably safe. You just can not adjust to living a "normal" life now. You have seen too much and done too much. Everyone around you is only out for themselves. They can't be bothered with the simple things and never slow down. You are a sluggard in their eyes simply because you now stop to enjoy the simple things and look around more than before. Somehow you respect life more...yet know it wouldn't take much to take another one if needs be.
You miss the power you once had. You are under house rules now and it ain't working for you. You find a group of others who are in the same life that you are in now. You understand these people because they can relate to you for they were tempered with fire also. You take up the motorcycle because it is fast and dangerous. It brings back the rush. It's taboo with most of the population. You are once again in a pack and doing something the most of the population doesn't want to do. The power is once again yours and you and your bothers are once again depending on each other, but fighting for survival in a different way this time around. The motorcycle gives you the open feeling, the risk, the danger and adventure. You travel light and once again not sure what's going to happen next. Most importantly...you are part of a cherished brotherhood once more. They have your back whether you are right or wrong.
It's about as close as your going to get to the life you wish you could leave behind, but can't because it won't let you. Sometimes you actually miss it. Sometimes you wish it never happened. Sometimes you are thankful for the experience and other times you feel damned.
Three things have never been in doubt as far as you are concerned. You have never doubted your love for your country. You have never doubted that you are a true patriot and you never will forget those who were with you or the sacrifices made.
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Take some time and listen. Say "Thank You" to those who have served. It doesn't matter whether you agree or not, but you are a complete fool if you can't see past yourself far enough to see the price paid for the things you enjoy. Help pay down the debt somehow...it is a sacrifice far easier to pay and you know this.
Thank you to all who have served or are serving. It doesn't matter where or how, because you are part of the ONE that protects ALL.
